September 04, 2008

Don't Make Me Use My Karate On You

I've noticed a key element of funny stories – notably, when they happen to you – is that you never know when to expect them. I had one occur this evening, on a corner store run for a slicing cucumber, two sweet red bell peppers, a can of white kidney beans and a box of Shreddies.

With Harry's Foods in sight (I know it's not Harry's anymore, but try and stop me from calling it that), a man roughly 100 feet ahead of me on the sidewalk locks eyes with me, stops, points at me and performs what I can only describe as a tai chi move – a slow horizontal wave of both arms.

Whatever. I'm going to the store. So we continue towards one another.

And in the split second that we pass on the sidewalk, the man stops again, raises one leg in the Karate Kid crane pose and performs a quick, through-the-air karate chop and halts his hand within a foot of my head. He says nothing. I move my head back about three inches.

The f*ck?, I tell him. That's all I've got.

But he's moved on. And I do, too, glancing back more than a few times. I head to the store, procure my groceries, go home and make my Friday potluck pasta salad. I tell Kerry, but find the man difficult to describe – until I realize he looked just like one of the dudes in the Just For Men ads. Like this:


Anthony Woodward said...

This post is hilarious! Probably not at the time though ;)

Mark Kruk said...

Dude, you just met Chuck Norris! :-)

Seriously, I'm glad nothing more came of it. You never know what some crazy is going to do.

Ian said...

it HAD to be Chuck Norris!

Jeope said...

See, I'd guess Chuck Norris too but he was a little skinny and had Radar O'Reilly specs on.

Melissa said...

Too bad Kerry wasn't there to protect you with her mad boxing skillz.

Jeope said...

She's too busy dealing with flashers.

But that's another story.

jk said...

that's gold jeope! gold!

Anonymous said...

whoa. That's so random.

Also, our tivo DID catch racewalking, and we watched some last night, and it was awesome.

devon spec said...

omg, i think every city has "one of those guys" ... erie had a guy in a tuxedo vest that played the trumpet on the corner. he was MUCH less threatening. :)